I haven't posted in a few days. I haven't had anything awful to report, thankfully, but nothing super great to report either. I've been to spin class 2 days this week. I don't remember what I did Monday. I've been in a blue mood, so I'm generally not inspired to write. The last couple of days I've been catching up on reading and commenting on blogs. I usually always read, but don't always comment, so I've been trying to do that so I can be as encouraging to others as they are to me.
Nothing wrong per se... always dealing with the sadness of my upbringing. A cousin of mine posted a picture of when she and I were babies, she 1, me probably 2 1/2. I have no pictures of me at this age. Apparently, when my mother left she took all those pictures. And my dad didn't really take many. I need to ask my aunts to send some to me. Then I won't have to be sad about it.
Also, we are trying to make the HUGE decision of whether to grow our family. For months we have thought that we would start to try in March. Well now that March is close, I guess I'm getting cold feet about it. Because of growing up most of my life without a mother and not having that model, good or bad, I feel like I'm flying blind while parenting. I take a little advice from here and there, use my instincts and pray to God I am not screwing up my kids. I put a lot of pressure on myself that probably doesn't need to be there. I mean just today I watched a movie with the kids, read them about 6-8 childrens books, played a game of Twister, did some lessons on spelling 3 letter words and went on a drive. The craziness says I need to play more games, do more things with them. Like I could spend every second doing things with thm and it wasn't enough. I think it must be like those stories you hear when kids aren't fed much in a bad family, and in the foster family they gorge themselves and horde food. I think maybe because I didn't have all this attention growing up that I stress about giving my kids enough. Somedays I probably give them too much!!! There are days that I burn out and give them little and plop them in front of the TV. That was my life everyday as a kid. Like everything, I know it's about balance.
So that, plus the idea that gaining weight after trying to lose it would be quite annoying and then kind of setting the clock back another 5 years. (The twins will be 5 in June). Hubby is 40 and I'm 35 so we have a little time yet, but ... oh...I don't know.
Anyhow...we'll see what the weigh in tomorrow is...I don't expect much either way, but it could be a little either way. :) Have a great day!
On my own
2 months ago