Admiration

I'm an admirer. I admire looks and personality and ability and character and determination. I'm an admirer or all things good. Sometimes I get into a thought pattern which may not be that good about it though. I often hope some day someone will admire me in the ways I admire other people. It's not a pedestal thing. It's a true, honest, I wish I could be more like that thing. It's not claiming that someone is all around better, but that someone is better in that one thing that I admire. I like to tell people that I admire them too. The only time I ever felt admired was when we adopted our children and to be honest, I was rather annoyed by this admiration. I think mostly because loving is not a hard thing for me. It was not hard to love my children, to do what was best for them. After all, I didn't have that growing up. Maybe there was a bitter part in me because of that that wouldn't allow for any admiration. I was always closer to other people than my own family so it wasn't hard to love a non biological child. I think it always bothered me because these were always people I felt didn't love me enough. I don't know..right now I'm therapy typing...I digress.

But I want to be admired. I want to be a person that gets called for advice about something/anything. I want to be someone that others talk about it a great way. Is this totally self centric? Perhaps - well, yes. But I know how it is to be the one admiring. I guess I'd like to be the one admired someday. I admire my readers too for different things. Some of you have been with me from the beginning (August) and through your stories I have come to admire you. I might embarrass some of you, but I'm going to anyway, because I believe in encouraging people and letting them know what you think of them.

Leslie - I admire your commitment to sobriety and your children. Your love for them truly shows and for 18 years you have chosen to live in the present with them. It's amazing.

Patsy - I admire your dedication to squats. Seriously. AND more importantly your cheery disposition. I don't think I've ready many "Woe is me" posts from you.

Chris - I admire your "kick aS$" attitude. I wish I were a little more hard core like you! WHen I think of you, I think "ROCK ON!"

Sarah - I admire your faithfulness to your family and to church even when you have your own sickness.

Steph - I admire your eternal optimism and ability to not be jaded by all of us "sinful" people. (and your ability to play Barbies)

Kev - I admire your ability to put up with the emotional mess that I am. I might not be able to do the same if our roles were reversed. I love you.

There is always something to admire about people. Sometimes you have to look close, but it's there.