Free to Be Me

4 days into 2010 and I've worked out each day (well I'll be working out later for today, but it WILL happen) Yay me.

I used to love a good challenge. I'm VERY competitive by nature and probably a few years ago if I was given a Perfect 10 challenge (the one many bloggers are doing) I would have jumped on it! I've changed though. I think I've realized that competitive stuff makes me psychotic. Seriously, if the scale won't move, I won't eat and inevitably screw up my metabolism. For those that have control of their competitive psyche - WAY TO GO! I'm not there. I cheer you on whole heartedly though.

I'm also changed where I am no longer a bandwagon person. I've turned into the rebel. I mentioned on a comment that when all my friends bought a Honda Odyssey, I specifically refused to look at them because I didn't want to be like everyone else. We own a Toyota Sienna. We live in a land of vast subdivisions and we tried living in one and HATED it, so now we live out in the country on an acre in a very unique home. Everyone started giving gift bags and gift cards, I bought presents and wrapped them in paper. I think this might have occurred in my early 20's when I lived with a very good friend for a year. We lived together, had gone to the same college, worked the same job, had the same friends, went to the same church. I think there was a moment that I didn't know where she ended and I began. I still don't think I know exactly who I am, but I know for sure I'm not living someone else's life. I think there is a balance between wanting to feel normal (which is really my ultimate goal here) and wanting to be like everyone else. I think it's knowing your own tastes and not swaying from them even if the majority doesn't go along with it. I'm still learning...I hope to always be learning.

I wrote a poem when I was a freshman in high school - 1988 called Free to Be Me. If I find the whole thing I'll post it, but what I remember from it, I think 22 years later it still is relevent to me:

I have my own thoughts, feelings and dreams
But everyone's trying to change me, it seems.
I'm not what you want, I will never be
For I am my own, and I choose to be me.