without your consent." So sayeth Eleanor Roosevelt. Well dear Ellie wasn't in my tennis class this morning. I'm not generally a mean or violent person but I really wanted to tell this woman in our class to "Shut Up" and then hit her over the head with a racquet. This was a 4 week class that this woman came to last week, not really because she wanted to learn tennis, but because she wanted free court time. (since the class was free). But because she plays (even though her form is not great and she really isn't THAT good) she felt like she could give hubby and me all her insight and pointers. She was telling me where to stand, how to hold my racquet, what type of clothes I should wear....and it goes on and on. It was annoying, and I allowed it to make me feel like a loser - like I didn't know anything, like I couldn't play. It affected my motivation and my ability to play as good as I could. I felt like I've felt a million times in my life before - "why bother"? I felt like I was a fat person trying to play a skinny person's sport. I haven't felt like that yet in these past few months of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Everyone at the fitness center has been so helpful and supportive (in the least ignoring my obesity and treating me like anyone else).
Should I let it bother me? Probably not and I'll get past it. But it is this type of thing that makes it impossible for me to tell most people except for bloggers what I'm trying to achieve. People just overburden you with advice about how you "should" do things. When hubby and I were trying to conceive years ago, people's "shoulds" drove me to depression. It was hard enough without everyone's input. Losing weight is hard enough for anyone. Trying new things is hard. What I don't need is someone (who hasn't walked to road) telling me how to do it. These are the people who make me doubt my own abilities, because I'm always thinking "Are they right?" and driving myself crazy trying different things. The personal trainer at the gym who lost 200 lbs - she earns the right to be listened to. So I'll take her advice. Other than that there are maybe 5 people outside of Bloggerworld that know what I'm doing. And for now, that's the way it will stay.
On my own
2 months ago