I think I have a fear of setting off the binge monster. I guess this is a "healthy fear", but it is fear nevertheless. I was thinking whether I should be proud, or chastise myself for being overly cautious. From the beginning of this journey, I have wanted to be "normal", rather than be "on a diet". We had a church luncheon today there was pizza and salad for lunch and apples on the side. I ate about 2 bites of a piece of pizza then gave the rest to my husband. I ate some salad and apples and planned to eat a sandwich when I got home. Partly I didn't want pizza, but I think too I was afraid that one piece wouldn't be enough. That it would have that right level of carbs/sugar/brain reaction that would make me want to devour a whole pizza. and the oreos next to it. So it's good that I only ate two bites, but then I was thinking I don't want to obsessive about everything that I put in my mouth. That isn't the point of changing my lifestyle. It is to be able to make good choices when food is in front of me. It's about being able to stop eating when I've had what my body needs. I could have eaten the whole piece of pizza and be fine, but I was just too worried. So I came home and made a sandwich with my wonderful lavash. Maybe I should eat a candy bar later to make sure I'm not getting too crazy ;)
And here is the fantastic feeling: I fit into a shirt I bought years ago that I was never able to wear. Why do I buy things that I don't fit into? Well...this was a Tommy Hilfiger shirt in a size 1X. It was on a major sale at Filene's Basement. I didn't try it on, I just thought maybe it will fit me. Well it didn't. But just the fact I could be able to wear a Tommy Hilfiger shirt made me happy. I felt normal. So it sat in my closet. And sat, and sat. But today, it is sitting no longer. It is being worn. :) And I am Happy! And Feel Normal.
2 months ago