I didn't die....and....I am not ashamed

Well clearly since I'm here typing I did not die today at the fitness center during Power Cycle spin class. 60 minutes. 277K Calories - this doesn't really seem right to me though. I thought it should be much higher. I did, at the recommendation of an old childhood friend, buy a gel seat cover at Walmart ($10) to help. My butt was still sore, but not nearly as much as last Friday when I took the class and only lasted 30 minutes. I cycled over 21 miles! It was such an exciting achievement. I even adjusted tension and cycled while standing a few times!!! Today's tears were ones of joy. I honestly thought I would pass out or have a heart attack cycling for 60 minutes. Uh, crap...I guess that means I can do it again....

Today's thoughts while in the sauna: (I really think of lots of things in there)
I must live like I am not ashamed of who I am. Only then will I start living like a normal person. What these means to me in the overweight life is that

-I do not hide in the dressing rooms to change at the fitness center. I change in front of my locker like everyone else. At the very least I am a walking advertisement of why people should not overeat.

-I do not bring my own supersized towel to the fitness center. Yes, I do need 2 of the small towels to wrap around my body, but I do it. Why should I have to do more laundry than healthy people?

-I use the sauna and steam room, wrapped in my 2 towels. I had been changing into my bathing suit to use them but then decided that unless I'm swimming, there's no reason to have to wash my suit! Someone came in fully clothes in workout clothes, so I could do that too, I suppose.

- I do not change in the shower stall. I walk through the locker room wrapped in my 2 towels. I hold my head up high. No one has yet to snicker and point.

- I do not stay at the back of the class and avoid eye contact with everyone. (I may start out the first class in the back for a better observation point) I ask questions of the instructors. I talk to the other class attenders, see what else they like at the fitness center. I am there to better myself and learn how to do it better. I am not there to be a wallflower

- I do not ONLY go to aqua aerobics. I really like water fitness, but I shouldn't limit myself to a pool with mostly ladies over the age of 50. I am overweight, but my heart works just fine.

-I do not give up because I can't do a move the instructor does. I am overweight so OF COURSE I can't do everything they do. But I can modify it and then ask after class if that is OK. The instructors can see that I'm trying and usually they say "Just keep moving" and will tell me if my posture is wrong or I'm going to injure myself with my modifications.

There is only one thing that I need to get over my embarrasment for and that is for the big balls. I know it is the best ab work I've done, but I can't yet bring myself to do abs on them when I'm on the fitness floor. In class with others, yes I'll do it, but by myself..I'm still shy.

Here's to feeling good about myself..physically and emotionally.